9-15 December 2019 – Realignment

This week I really took the time to heal and rest. I got a cold that made sure of that. By the end of the week it managed to mostly clear out though. On Friday I worked 8 hours on the Upwork job – really dedicated myself to that. On Saturday I attended the ToastMasters secret santa party – and it was AMAZING! I had the best time. It was an organized event that was similar to the meetings. It was really great. I will attend next year for sure!

Today I studied CBT for 3 hours, I watched 2 movies, I played, I cooked.

This week I learned to enjoy life more and to give people a chance. I am grateful for the great time I had, for the beautiful heart-warming experiences, for healing and for the wonderful connections.

I wish you a week full of opportunities and achievements!

4 December 2019 – Average Day

Today has been average at best – I only worked on the Upwork jobs. I joggled with the 3 active jobs I have to sum up just to 5 hours of work. Somehow I’m not really into it – I feel like something is missing in my life.. I hope tomorrow I’ll understand better what’s going on. I had a salad for lunch and some spaghetti for dinner; it was nice to get to cook something and feel like I take care of myself. I still gave in today and ate chocolate. Lately I feel like I am addicted to it.. I am creating a correction though – with the multiple meals per day. Today we had an intervention for my sister – we gathered and had a ‘Valor Day’ – a day when everybody says what positive things they noticed at you and how you improved in a period of time. It’s a wonderful way to remind yourself what you value at yourself and be surprized by how supportive the others are and how much they noticed! I also watched some episodes today – and somehow I feel that this habbit should stop.. Usually I do this when I feel low on energy – and I just can’t understand what’s going on right now. Maybe it’s the healing process.

Today I got reminded that sometimes a due date can feel like a prison sentence – especially when you lose focus of your end-goal. I think it’s highly time I set some goals for myself and maybe do some introspection. I am grateful for the jobs that I sorted out today, for the amazing connection with my sister and partner, for my family and living another day!

Have a great, fulfilling day!

3 December 2019 – Toasty Day

Today I got officially accepted into ToastMasters. I cooked lunch today and served it with my partner. After attending the ToastMasters meeting, we went at a restaurant and had a nice chat with the group. I worked a bit for the Upwork job and watched some episodes.

Today I learned that I can socialize with a group and respect my boundries and even be confident! I am grateful for the interactions of the day, for the great food and for the work I got done.

Have a productive day full of achievements!

2 December 2019 – The Food Photos Are Back!

Today was like a story – it had a wonderful introduction and conclusion, but a mediocre content overall. I got up and prepared lunch for myself – something that hasn’t happened for a long time. I had a chat with my aunt over Skype while serving coffee. I talked a bit with my partner and then proceeded with work. After 3 hours of work, I somehow got mixed into drama.. after 2 to 3 hours of pointless arguing – expressing my repressed anger and the things that built up and I can no longer ignore, I finally got to an understanding with my partner. I then watched a whole season of some series while eating sweets.. I just couldn’t really stop myself.. I then worked another hour, woke my sister up to encourage her to get to the faculty on time and reviewed the work I did last week and last month. Seems that I worked 153 hours last month! Pretty good I would say.

Today I learned that hanging out with people that have a low energy can really hit me hard and trigger my repressed emotions. I am grateful for the work I did today, for getting to a conclusion in the conversation with my partner and for managing to get myself up. I really loved the beginning of this day and I want many more mornings like this.

I wish you a day of productivity and confidence!

1 December 2019 – Now I Know That I Am

I went to the psychology course today and found out surprizing things about my boundries – about how tiny they are and almost inexisting. I only defend my boundries when I can’t stand the pain anymore, not when the pain starts.. It was interesting to discover this and relate it into my own life – the family life and work. I discovered that I don’t speak up – I let the others find a solution for me, even if I know what the best solution is for myself. As a result of this, I decided to observe myself and say a strong STOP at the point where the pain begins – prevent it from eating me alive! The other thing I learned today is how to integrate myself in a group and make it all homogeneous. I really have that resource in me – I just have to trust it! I went to the woods with my sister and Sheeba afterwards, for a session of grounding and for completely integrating the things I learned the past 3 days. I also got my ToastMasters account today and I managed to choose a path and actually investigate an assignment. I couldn’t decide between ‘Innovative Planning’ and ‘Effective Coaching’, but after some hard thought, I chose based on instinct – the coaching. I spent the night with my sister and partner, chatting and sharing a connection. I am pleased of how things worked out and how wonderful everything was.

Today I learned about my boundries and interpersonal relations. I am grateful for the beliefs that surficed today and for learning the most meaningful word for myself :

Faith

I wish you a day full of faith, a day of total alignment and getting things done.

27 November 2019 – Just Work

Today I worked for 8 hours on the Upwork project. I managed to complete the work and send some demo videos to the client. I still have to deploy the app and wait for feedback, but there’s time. I got another offer in the meantime – from the same client – they seem to be enjoying my work. Somehow I got to this point where I focus my attention in a single direction.. and it is different from the one I had in mind. I’m doing the leg-work so it’s a good thing overall. I spent some time with my sister today and we even took a long walk with Sheeba outside through the freezing cold. I also managed to squeeze in a long break for a chat with my partner. Today I felt good on average, but I am overwhelmed by the troubled sleep I got the last few days. I am planning for a beautiful sleep-how-much-you-want day for tomorrow. I hope there will still be light when I wake up.

Today I learned that I can feel stretched too thin by work even if I find it overall engaging. This made me realize that I should be more careful with my time management. I am grateful for another successful day, for the interactions I got, for the paid work and for being at peace within myself.

I wish you a day of relaxation and inner joy!

23 November 2019 – When you get what you want

Today I got the out-of-body experience I wished for yesterday. I also made some friends and got to connect with people on a different level. I embraced my crazy side more, I updated my relationship with myself in a more profound and understanding manner. I have the feedback I wanted and I see how things unfold for the future – unexpectedly, but surely. It is surprizing to find out for how long I’ve been unconciously working toward a goal! My stability has increased and I decided to get working. I questioned myself for a while though – as I always change the projects I work on – and this time I decided to continue with something I’ve been working at in the very recent past. I continued with the CBT course and did 5 hours of self-reflective exercises + 1 hour of video content. I am surprized of the things that surface from just 2 questions and the impact they have over a person’s life..

What I extracted from the whole experience is that no matter what, I have the courage and the faith that I will get to my destination. I am grateful for the learning process, for my courage, for the experiences I live and people I meet with every day!

I wish you a day of contemplation, of gathering puzzle pieces together and of inspired work!

22 November 2019 – Fear Facing

Today I faced a fear and a big trigger for my anger. I went to a personal development workshop hosted by the company I usually go to. I have built my anger towards them for some months now due to feelings of insufficiency I walked myself into.. I wanted to work with them and that didn’t happen, once more they actually hired a colleague of mine from the psychology course. That somehow devastated me as there is a bit of competition between the two of us (we don’t really know why). It made me feel insignificant, ignored and it really let me down. There were multiple events that built up to this, but eventually all that bottled anger gathered and was ready to explode. Today I dragged myself to the event.. I have been feeling spite towards it for a long while.. and now it finally peaked! I didn’t feel like myself when I got there – I was denying everyone and being spiky towards everything. After a while in the workshop and after talking to some people through exercises, I got reminded why I go to these events, how I feel there. I realized that my motivation was corrupt. I realized that I go there for myself, to know myself better and that maybe we just didn’t align back in the day. I found myself in a forgiving mood and I realized that it was only I that has seen things differently. I am the one that interpreted things that way – and I actually have no proof or idea of how things actually went for that girl. I only know my side of the story based on the little I have seen so far..

Maybe my path goes in a different direction, maybe that is just a platform for me to find the means to follow my own ideas. Maybe I was trying to be someone that wasn’t truly me – maybe due to the enthusiasm I tried something that wasn’t really myself. Maybe I have a different way to go and I just needed to learn from these people how to create my own fuel to use to propel myself into the best version of myself.. I definitely know now that I am enough. I have my own thing going and now I have a plan. I feel more and more guided towards the path that I want and I see my projects building momentum. I am ready to see my dreams become reality – and I get proof of this every day.

Today I learned that even the darkest and most explosive anger/rage can be eliminated with forgiveness. I am grateful for the things I learned today, for the experience, for being open minded and for giving myself the space to do it all.

I wish you an out of body experience that will align you to what you truly are.

18 November 2019 – What Am I Doing?

Today I woke up and went out. I went to the land to assess the situation. On the way back I met with one of my neighbours and had a conversation for a while. I then had lunch in town with my partner, then I went to buy a lawn trimmer. I went to the land after serious struggles of finding my land work clothes. I assembled the lawn trimmer, but the process took me a while and it got dark outside. A man came to the land and asked me if I would let him help me out with cleaning the land. We agreed and set an appointment for tomorrow. I got home and started to work on my latest Upwork project. I also went through the CBT course and spent some time with the family. I am confused about the events that unfolded and what I am actually doing.

Today I learned that events just happen – I really struggled to fall asleep yesterday due to the panic of having the land full of weeds. And today things just seemed to unfold by themselves. I am grateful for how things are working out, for the work I did, for the connections I have with people and for having the space, opportunity and choice of being myself!

Have an easy day, full of energy and pleasant interactions!

17 November 2019 – Insightful day

Today I did some research – in the personal development department, of course. I studied about inner power, self respect, will, discipline and taking action. It was a wonderful thing to find out about and see how to apply it to my life. I was blown away by this idea: when we do something for somebody else and we don’t want to, we still use our will to do it, but our true will is masked behind secondary motives, that are not obvious to us. Such as being liked by them or having them give us something or something in this general area. We should question what do we really want and we use somebody else to obtain it? What do we really get out of this that is using our will? Do we actually use our will and energy for something we truly desire? Or is it to enable something we used to want in the past?

Today I learned many valuable things about myself – I learned that to respect myself I need to see a realistic picture of my self (that is backed up by facts). I am so grateful for the things I learned today, for the time I spent with my sister, for the progress I made and for taking action!

I wish you a day of taking action and getting a lot of work done!