1 December 2019 – Now I Know That I Am

I went to the psychology course today and found out surprizing things about my boundries – about how tiny they are and almost inexisting. I only defend my boundries when I can’t stand the pain anymore, not when the pain starts.. It was interesting to discover this and relate it into my own life – the family life and work. I discovered that I don’t speak up – I let the others find a solution for me, even if I know what the best solution is for myself. As a result of this, I decided to observe myself and say a strong STOP at the point where the pain begins – prevent it from eating me alive! The other thing I learned today is how to integrate myself in a group and make it all homogeneous. I really have that resource in me – I just have to trust it! I went to the woods with my sister and Sheeba afterwards, for a session of grounding and for completely integrating the things I learned the past 3 days. I also got my ToastMasters account today and I managed to choose a path and actually investigate an assignment. I couldn’t decide between ‘Innovative Planning’ and ‘Effective Coaching’, but after some hard thought, I chose based on instinct – the coaching. I spent the night with my sister and partner, chatting and sharing a connection. I am pleased of how things worked out and how wonderful everything was.

Today I learned about my boundries and interpersonal relations. I am grateful for the beliefs that surficed today and for learning the most meaningful word for myself :

Faith

I wish you a day full of faith, a day of total alignment and getting things done.

29 November 2019 – Open Your Heart

Today I attended the psychology course. Afterwards I did some introspection and spent some time with my partner and with my sister. It’s been a long day – productive, but long.

Today I learned a lot about my limits – and I actually felt overwhelmed by the things that are yet to come and my body seems to be unprepared for. I realized that I should start to prepare my body for the journey – things are coming into my life at a very fast pace and I need to prepare my vessel. I am grateful for all the experiences from today and for the clarity I got from everything.

Have a day full of personal truths, a day that lifts you up to new realms you never thought possible before. Enjoy your truth!

24 November 2019 – Barely Present

Today I woke up late and went to the personal development workshop – I wasn’t really into it today. The little sleep from yesterday said its word. After getting home and talking with my partner on the road, I watched some episodes. I went and fetched my sister from the bus (she came back from my parent’s home). We talked a bit and then we worked together – the usual kitchen study routine. I went through 4 hours of self reflective exercises from the CBT course and she studied for the faculty, for an exam. I reviewed my goals and I was surprized to discover I accomplished 9 out of 13 from 16 October!

Today I learned that interactions with people can get complicated when you are unsure of your self and you don’t have your basic needs met. I am grateful for the things I learned, for the accomplished goals and for the beliefs I discovered I had.

Have a great, productive day!

23 November 2019 – When you get what you want

Today I got the out-of-body experience I wished for yesterday. I also made some friends and got to connect with people on a different level. I embraced my crazy side more, I updated my relationship with myself in a more profound and understanding manner. I have the feedback I wanted and I see how things unfold for the future – unexpectedly, but surely. It is surprizing to find out for how long I’ve been unconciously working toward a goal! My stability has increased and I decided to get working. I questioned myself for a while though – as I always change the projects I work on – and this time I decided to continue with something I’ve been working at in the very recent past. I continued with the CBT course and did 5 hours of self-reflective exercises + 1 hour of video content. I am surprized of the things that surface from just 2 questions and the impact they have over a person’s life..

What I extracted from the whole experience is that no matter what, I have the courage and the faith that I will get to my destination. I am grateful for the learning process, for my courage, for the experiences I live and people I meet with every day!

I wish you a day of contemplation, of gathering puzzle pieces together and of inspired work!

12 November 2019 – A Good Day

Today I had coffee with my aunt in the morning, over Skype. I visited the medic to get a document I need for a course. I had lunch with my sister, then had a walk and a fight with my partner. I attended the ToastMasters meeting from today and got voted to be a member of the club. I held a speech about my motivation and felt very confused after it. The result of the voting was positive: I am now a member. After getting home, spending some time with my partner and playing with the dogs a bit, I continued the CBT course for 4 hours.

Today I learned that confidence is a state of mind and it just comes from within. Reminding myself of some positive facts (personal truths) I can’t argue with really helped me keep my calm longer. Today I realized that no matter how much value I expect from the outside, the void can never be filled externally – I have to appreciate myself to be fulfilled. I am grateful for what I achieved today, for the lessons I learned, for the courage I had and for the doors that I opened for my future self. ❤

You are valued! Have a great day!

6 November 2019 – A Long Walk

Today I woke up early – I had the ToastMasters interview – the one that was meant to make sure my motivation is for long term. After doing well at the interview, I took a walk with my partner and talked about various things – mostly work, money and future plans. I got home and decided to take another long walk – visit the forest with one of the dogs I haven’t taken there yet. I took Tisa and unleashed her on the fields.. Unfortunately, what was meant to be a relaxing walk turned into a very stressful one due to the lack of training/executing the commands.. I struggled with her, but eventually we managed to get along somehow – she ran for a while and after running out of energy, she eventually followed my instructions. I was beat up when i got home, but that didn’t stop me. I cooked pasta, ate with my sister and then I started planning for the projects I want to implement. Basically I created a collection of documents with all the 22 projects I want to implement. I wrote down for most of them the resources needed, the process, my motivation, my goal, the duration estimation, the mindset I should have while developing the projects, how will I feel when my goal is met and some actual action steps to follow.

I grabbed a quick snack after 5 hours of planning and then did an extra hour of CBT course – just to get me closer to another goal I have. Today was a productive day and I am very grateful for everything that I did. I added my project’s time together and it resulted that I should work 9.25 years to actually implement them all. Luckily, some of them overlap with others – so I think that maybe 4 years is a more realistic term – if I only work alone on this. I have faith that things will run very smoothly and the time will compress – as I gain more experience and reuse components from previous implementations.

Today I learned that when you are really motivated a timeline doesn’t scare you anymore as long as you know you have to focus on every little step you take. I am grateful for the work I did today and the effort I put in.

Have a great time today!

4 November 2019 – Rest Day

Today I slept most of the day – I really needed this to make up for the energy I spent on the trip. I worked a bit on the Upwork project and I watched some series. I kept the day on the low energy consumption mode. Tomorrow I have to deploy the changes early in the morning.

Today I got reminded that I should take accountability for my mistakes and pay the consequences. I am grateful for the rest I got, for having this flexible schedule that allows me to rest, for taking the first steps towards my new life.

Have a peaceful day.

25 October 2019 – Sometimes I wonder..

How did I get in this point of time with the events that are unfolding?! I mean the change is welcomed, but I still have to wonder.. Somehow I feel like I have a stable job and that I am actually doing something to contribute even more to my family’s future – through the income. I got news from the client that multiple jobs are planned in the near future and that they are considering me for them. I enjoy what is happening right now – being so engaged with something really helps my morale and my general stability. Sadly, there are so many hours in the day and I don’t get to do everything I wished for..

Today I spent most of the day with my sister, out in town – we went shopping and we also had coffee with a cousin that was here for a few days and some friends of hers. We went in town center and we fed the pigeons – that’s the most out-of-the-ordinary thing of the day – 3 of them even flew and sat on my hand! It was a joyful experience. I worked on the project in the evening for around 6 hours and I managed to complete 70% of the current task. It was nice to do that and see actual results – I always like fixing bugs in code – it makes me feel as a detective – or like playing puzzles.

Today I learned that I can feel good even if I only talk about basic things – sometimes the interaction may be even pleasing. I really enjoyed my day – I felt like a traveler, like an observer all day long. I am grateful for the interactions, for the calm pace of the day, for feeling accomplished and for seeing the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. ❤

Have a wonderful day!

16 October 2019 – It’s Time To Face The Truth

Today I had a lovely morning with my partner – we chatted in bed for a while, we played with the dogs and got reminded of what a beautiful family we got. I went to bed afterwards due to the late night I spent working. I woke up from a deep sleep very satisfied. I had coffee, ate some leftover food, watched some motivational videos and played the daily solitaire challenge. I realized it has been a while since I last set some goals so I decided to do that, but in a different manner. I reviewed my past goals and checked some of them and this time I wrote them down as a story, in present tense. I wrote after them in which past events have I displayed the attitude to accomplish that – proof that I got the necessary resources to get what I want. I am extremely confident in the power these new goals have!

I continued the CBT course and after doing some reflective exercises where I got overwhelming insights, my partner got home. We went for a walk and bought sweets and chips. I had a very powerful anger outrage – at an intensity I’ve never experienced before.. I devoured 2 bags of chips and some chocolate while watching a movie – ‘A Monster Calls’. The movie eventually turned out to be about the grieving process and about recognizing the pain and guilt we feel to tell our truth while we go through difficult situations. Now searching it on imdb I see the description was there all along – a boy coping with his mother’s terminal illness, but Netflix put another description though. I cried a lot.. and this movie finally showed me it was about time to face my own truth.. My grandmother died 2 years ago and I lied to myself daily that it didn’t happen. I’ve been postponing facing this truth for so much time.. and it had great repercussions on me, when my partner’s grandparents died recently.. Today I finally had the strength to do something that was far overdue – to write a letter to my passed grandmother.. I finally confessed my feelings, I finally faced the truth.

Today I learned that sometimes things align in an unexpected way, to make us face reality and learn a lesson. My grandmother was the first person that passed that I really, deeply cared about. I’ve been in this long grief process along all the family.. I even think I am the first that actually faced my feelings.. It’s really hard to say goodbye.. I am grateful for being loved by my grandmother and by getting the opportunity to learn so many things from her. I am grateful for the space she gave me and how much she cared for me as a child. I am grateful for myself as well, for having the strength to finally write this down.

I wish you a day of insight. Take a moment to appreciate the dear ones you have around.

13 October 2019 – Another Productive Day

Today I went out for lunch with my partner’s side of the family and my sister. We spent a while together and ate like kings! I got home and after some discussions and some time spent with my sister, I continued the CBT course on Udemy. I learned valuable things today and did perspective changing exercises.

Today I learned that I can be anyone I want and change as much as I want. I learned that I am loved even if I feel good and play new roles. I am grateful for the connection I had today with my partner and my sister, for the ideas I learned and confronted, for the self development journey and for the power of introspection! ❤

May changes come and fulfill our lives!