Cycle 3 – Day 8

Today was an ordinary day; I woke up, had a cup of tea, did my stretching, worked a bit on the app, created a blog post that has been on my mind in the last days.

For lunch I had some leftover pesto pizza and for dinner I had some potatoes with a souce of garlic mayo. I also had some grapes today.

Today has been pretty uneventful; the new dog distroyed some of my bed sheets, I think it is because she is teething and didn’t have any chewing toys at disposal..

I hope you had a good day.

Why I have trouble losing weight

Once you decide that you want to change something in your life you have to identify the things that were unsuccessful in the past. You have to study your past mistakes in order to really see what you are doing wrong.

I analysed my eating and realized that I overly indulged in sweets and that I enjoyed processed meat and fatty foods a bit too much on a span of multiple days in a row, accompanied by lack of exercise. Everything seems right up till now – I have successfully identified the cause of me getting fat. The only thing left to do now is remove these from my diet, right?

I’ve been trying to remove these over and over again, but somehow I ended up in the same place.. I somehow get trapped back in the pleasure you get for the first 3 minutes of eating these taste bombs. No matter what I do or how determined I am, I still end up there..

After quitting my job and having time to do some soul searching, I finally found the reasons for getting fat. I wasn’t looking at the full picture; I had to look at the trigger of this behavior.

I always eat something sweet or processed when I feel sad or when I am really unsatisfied. The processed food triggers a little bit of artificial joy within us, in the first minutes of eating it. After that, we feel guilty we had it and the bad feeling returns – we start hating ourselves for having it. So the solution is to address the sadness and the things that bring us down. We also have to find healthier substitutes for the times when these moments arrive.

I also managed to do that, by creating this blog and monitoring what I eat. I still indulge in sweets every now and then, but I cook my own healthier alternatives or I aim for the less processed ones and I don’t feel bad about having it, because I monitor how often I serve it.

But, despite all this, at the end of every cycle, after I see clear progress in losing weight, I overly indulge again, for those 5-7 unmonitored days, undoing half of my progress..

I decided to look at my goals, at the reasons behind wanting to lose weight:

• To be healthier overall, as I am currently Obese
• To take some pressure off my back, literally
• To feel better in my skin and be able to look in the mirror for more than 10 seconds
• To be able to move freely and not get tired as fast.

All these are benefits anyone would want, but why am I self-sabbotaging so often then?

I’ve been told that I should start having kids around age 25 and that in order to be able to carry a child I have to lose signifficant weight – to get to around 75 kg. I have some medical issues that require this, as my fertility is a big question and my back wouldn’t be able to sustain my fat and a child without repercussions.

I am 25 and I am finally losing weight at a steady pace. But I am not ready to have kids. Every time I see I lost weight, I get a spark of joy because I make progress towards my goals, but then I panic a bit because I make progress towards my fear as well. I live constantly with these emotions: when I groccery shop, when I cook, when I manage the money for food, when I weigh myself, when I look in the mirror, when I get dressed and see my clothes are a bit loose.. I am self sabbotaging out of fear..

I always feel insecure about how I look, especially when I have to meet with other people. The cause of this is seeing all the females from my family always being ashamed of their bodies, no matter how fat or skinny they are.. I always thought the way you look shouldn’t matter, but everywhere around me people are obsessed with their image. They are never pleased with the progress they made..

I think it’s time to change the way we think. It’s time we face our fears and realize we own the choices we make. It’s time to accept our bodies as they are and celebrate the progress we make towards our goals. It’s time to choose mindfullness and know that we are the ones who can make a change for ourselves.

We are the ones who choose the direction in our lives. Let the fears behind, let the sadness behind; choose to enjoy the moment and celebrate the little achievements every day.